Ep. 9: Mindless to Mindful

Shakira: It's fucking Friday. Thank God.

Jill: Yeah, so for those of you that we are recording this on a Friday, how, how are we feeling today? What's the mood? What's the feeling?

Shakira: I'm so happy it's Friday. I'm going to say today I am at an, oh, I forgot this is out of 100. I almost gave it out of 10. I'm gonna put myself in an 80 today. You don't hear that for me often.

Jill: I feel like I hear it more often than not.

Shakira: All right. I appreciate that. Thank you. I made it through the week. And I feel good about the attitude that I carried throughout the week. I feel like I gave up a little bit more every day, this desire to need to control things that are not within my control. Or maybe it was like the awareness of the fact that this isn't in my control. And I have a story about that. But I don't want to talk too much. Because when I listened to our podcast, I'm like, shut the fuck up Shakira. Let you'll get a word in edgewise.

Jill: You know what's really funny? What's really funny about that? When I take our recording and put it in for transcription, it always shows what percentage each of us talked.

Shakira: Fuckin a. I'm so sorry.

Jill: No, I'm not. I don't need an apology on this. I just you know, it's all perfect.

Shakira: Alot of hot air coming out of this one. Sorry. Yeah.

Jill: It's very relevant hot air. So thank you for always sharing your voice and your wisdom.

Shakira: I'm gonna put a cap in it. What about you?

Jill: Well, I liked what you said about, okay, let me get myself a rating first. I'm gonna go with a 60 for my mood. Unlike you, I do not feel like I put effort into every day about getting better. And getting towards you know, that goal of being in an okay place with not controlling the things that you couldn't control. I feel like every day I woke up going, I want to be in bed longer. And I just don't want to do today. And I want to be done with today. And like being exhausted at five o'clock. Yesterday, I got home from working my retail gig for four and a half hours. And I'm like, shit. I can't work for four and a half hours anymore. And Jeff was like, "Oh, was it a tough day dear?" Yeah, I don't think I can be on my feet this long anymore on concrete floors. I go, and besides, I worked nine hours this week. Thank you.

Shakira: A whole nine. A whole round nine. Yeah, yeah.

Jill: And I am laughing at my own ridiculousness. Let's be fair.

Shakira: I mean, it's a transition for you. You know. I think also, you're putting a lot of value on one kind of work. You know, that's a kind of work, but it doesn't necessarily illustrate the work that you do that doesn't fit that kind of work. Which is also exhausting. And you don't often get paid for that work. Not in a financial way.

Jill: No. And as much as I wish I would have been like my mother were I was very fulfilled by cleaning and doing laundry and doing all that but I really fucking don't. I'm not fulfilled. It's a necessary evil.

Shakira: It doesn't do it for me, but it does feel good when it's done. It does. So you also just came back from your travels to your Mecca.

Jill: to Hawaii? Yeah. Mm hmm.

Shakira: Has that been any any factor in your mood?

Jill: I think so. I think there was the unraveling of the trip because we were gone for two weeks. And then the travel day home just really sucks. And then we came back and it was daylight savings. So we sprung ahead. So I feel like that part of it was probably good that we hit all that at once. But then I was also just like, not into the rhythm of things. And when I was on island time, I was sleeping until like seven o'clock in the morning, which I was getting anywhere from 10 to 12 was asleep every day. And I'm like, this is kind of so good. On Wednesday, I'm like, can I just have Island Sleep, sleep longer? And Jeff's like, Well, why didn't you like, because I just had like, wake up. He's like, Well, there's nothing stopping you. And I go, Yeah, I'm stopping me. Like just get out of bed. Do it. But I've been unmotivated all fucking week.

Shakira: Yeah, that transition is hard. Even when I was in San Diego and working because it's a different place, it's a different environment. I also felt yeah, those first couple nights or maybe even like the first full week there. I slept so good. So good, like a big fat juicy nine hours where I was probably in REM sleep for maybe, I don't know, more than half of that, I would think. I don't track that kind of shit. But I should, because I'm curious to know, and I feel the difference between the kind of deep sleep that I get at home versus the kind of sleep that I get in a place where I don't know, it's almost like naturally, I set my mind to the relaxation and my cortisol or whatever the stress, you know, hormone. Yeah, it's it's a way lesser, a way lesser fuckin words.

Jill: That's exactly how I feel way lesser. English difficult. Speaking of English, by the way, anybody that's on the website, or on Buzzsprout, or wherever, and looks at the transcript to this podcast. Just note to self, I am not putting a ton of time in editing that like this is not proper English, that you will see. Punctuation is gonna be way off.

Shakira: Not for me.

Jill: What I do clean up is when they can't understand us. Or if we talk over one another. That's it. So important context there. And it's just about what's happening, nothing else the bare minimum.

Shakira: The bare minimum. Which is what you're gonna get as far as like

Jill: Because I also work like nine hours a week.

Shakira: This is the unpaid labor. We were talking about Jill, and I appreciate you for doing it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The sleep though, yeah.

Jill: I get it. You know, what I enjoyed about my sleep is as much as I love my dogs sleeping with me. I get no space when I sleep. So when I go someplace else, and I get to enjoy the whole bed. It's pretty spectacular.

Shakira: Interestingly enough, I now have a permanent dog, sleeper partner. Where before he would sleep in his bed next to my bed. And now he likes to sleep on top of the weighted blanket that I already have a tough time moving around and getting underneath which is only gotten tougher by the addition of 13 and a half pounds on top of that thing. Yeah, he's gotten real, like, Oh, well this is what we do now. Yeah, because he did sleep with me when we were in San Diego, which was cute.

Jill: Because you didn't have his little cage I bet

Shakira: He didn't have his cage. Yeah, he had a little, what is it like the airport carrier? Whatever, which was very deluxe, if I should say so myself. Yeah, this dog. He's so boujee. Jack's first trip was a first class flight.

Jill: What percentage of humans do you think have flown first class? Also, I feel like this could be well we may have to title this podcast our privilege and we know it.

Shakira: You're right. God, I'm disgusted. Yeah, can I explain though? So the reason why I did this is because it was his first well my first trip with an animal like I'm taking a dog and animal with me. I probably had more anxiety about this than I'm sure he did. Well, he definitely had less anxiety than me considering he was on half of a Trazodone so he was pretty calm. But I was so nervous that the seating arrangements because you have to stuff him underneath. Yeah, and he's you know, at the max length I would say for you know, this this whole deal so I was really nervous and I figured they would probably treat me really nicely and first class if he sticks out a little bit you know, underneath the seat. Not one person said a thing he had all the room in the world you know, I was able to sort of like his whatever you call it a carrier has a little was pocket like almost like a little oval. Where you think he could come in and out of like it would be open? But instead it just expands like an accordion with a little mesh on top. So you can like you know, stick his little head out there still be inside and covered. But a little more, you know, room this thing is it's nice. It was nice. I'll send you it, well, you don't have a little dog.

Jill: I don't. We could put it in the show notes. Send me the link.

Shakira: I will send you the link. It's it's totally, you know, legit as far as I think United is what I flew and they have the best, like maybe the most capacity as far as width and length, more so than southwest, honestly, which is sad, because that's where I have most of my credit. But yeah, no one bothered me. He was an angel, you know, wanted to be in that little carrier more so than out I think he was a little freaked out by all the people and shit like that. Jack is a first class dog only and we came home he got into his giant bed/blanket, you know, fort and just pounded the entire time like, well, where's my puppachino? Because he of course got used to those. Starbucks on the corner, he pulled me in there every day. And again, he missed his puppachino poor thing. So he had some depression, as did I, which is I know what I've mentioned, we probably want to, yeah, to chat about.

Jill: I did because we like you had said we both went someplace. And we're getting back and getting acclimated to life after however, you were gone for much longer. So you're gone for six weeks. So what's life like back?

Shakira: I was saying to you before we chatted, or before we got started? There are a couple of things I recognize since being home. And I think maybe I don't know, I'm gonna assume that they're universal. But there's this sorta low mood that comes post vacation, you know, there's all this like, for me, there's this buildup, there's excitement of like, the planning, you know, for the thing and, you know, I have never got I haven't gotten married, and I don't plan on it anytime soon. But I imagined and I've heard this from other people who have been like, there's all this like prep and planning in the oh my god, I'm so excited to get to dress gotta get the dah,dah,dah. So I feel like there's that's kind of like what taking trips are for me, there's a lot of that, you know, excitement and joy that comes with it. While I was there. I thought about having to say goodbye the entire time. So, again, sort of not maybe staying is present in the moment, the entire six or so that I was there, but always thinking like, four more weeks. three more weeks. So you know, whatever, until I reminded myself that I'm doing it. but I lived out of a suitcase. I mean, I had like one suitcase you know, of things and I'd say 75% of the shit that I brought with me to wear I didn't there was that recognition. I think I brought three pairs of shoes which even for me as a lot to bring I like to I'm a backpack you know, one bag carry on type of traveler for as long as I can. But that wasn't possible this time. And I still wore one pair of shoes, you know, well shoe if you count my gym shoes, because I didn't go to the gym.

Jill: And when you say you lived out of a suitcase, did you unpack any of your things or keep everything in the suitcase?

Shakira: Yeah, yes, that's the thank you for that clarification. I did I had one suitcase of stuff with me. 75% of the stuff I didn't wear. Everything was up in a closet. I had one load of laundry every week. You know, the cleaning was minimal because there was less stuff to clean or pickup. I cooked but I didn't get extravagant with the meals that I would make. It was really just like the basics, or the simple stuff. And you know, where it couldn't pick up like maybe prepared things I would but for the most part, it was so simple. And none of that seemed boring to me.

Jill: Good. The simplicity of it. It seems like simplicity

Shakira: The simplicity seemed so easy. And then I get back That's extremely interesting. And because I as you were home. And what I love about home is that it's my stuff, you know, it's my dust. It's my books. It's my you know, and it's my bed which I love my bed my smells you know all of that. Yeah, but I wrote the my closet and I have so much shit. So many pairs of shoes. There are four coats right now on my coat rack. I have four onions right now that I'm looking at. They've been there since I've gotten home. I haven't used them. I don't know why. There's a lot of excess stuff that I'm just like, I don't need 90% of what's here. I could live, hopefully, I hope so at least is the goal. I could live a lot more minimally than I currently do. And that's a big takeaway for me from the trip. talking about your packing and how you lived for that six weeks, mine was a little bit different because I went into our two week trip knowing just from having experience with the place that we were going to be staying at what we do on the island, just knowing that I we have not necessarily routine, but we have things that we like to do. And Jeff is really good about packing minimal things, and he creates a list so that every year he reviews his list, these are the things that I need to pack, whatever and so this time around, we're only took carry ons, because we also know that we have laundry. So we basically pack for three or four days, knowing that we're going to do laundry often. And you know, we were there for two weeks, and we probably did four loads of laundry. Yeah, I packed a lot less like I brought all of my swimsuits. And then I brought a few pairs of shorts, a few tanks, a few T's three shoes, just because you have your hiking shoes, your kicks that you're gonna wear to the gym, and then a sandal. Right, but we don't bring anything that's really dressy. Every time that I leave Hawaii, I come back, trying to live simpler. Because I don't like a lot of shit. Yeah. And I don't think I realized how much shit I have until I got here. The other thing now that we're talking about shit is not only did I not realize the shit that I have, I recognized how much I didn't want to fill myself with shit while I was there, you know, often times if I'm bored, if it's not food that I'm reaching for, to, like, I'm for boredom. Now mean like any particular kind of food, just food in general. Sure, fill, fill a void, I will scroll on any site, you know, shopping, shoes that I wouldn't wear to look at bags that I never carry, furniture that I'm not going to buy, you know, and then I end up with an Amazon cart full of cleaning supplies. You know, so I can get something it's like a little bit of something, a little, like little itch, you know, a month of doing that you look at your expenses. And it's like, I look at my closet. And I'm like, I have three different kinds of dish soap right now, like three different kinds, you know, I have a whole array of really delicious smelling all purpose cleaner, you know, they smell great, you know, a couple of different varieties of fabric softener, you know, cuz why not. But it's like that kind of shit. So I'm just filling my space with stuff. And I didn't have that desire. I was there. I was pretty fulfilled.

Jill: What do you think the difference was?

Shakira: I got my needs met by my surroundings, and by my environment, which of course brings the question. Are you in the right environment? So I've been thinking a lot about that lately. And it's not it's not a new question. For me. I think I've played around with that thought for the last couple of years, almost. And it's becoming stronger. Yes. It's like, wow, have I really grown out of Chicago? You know, have I really? Yeah. Have I grown out of it? I'd never thought I would like it's something I'm sick of it. But there definitely feels seems to be like I've been bumping against some walls, you know, here, energetically, perhaps or spiritually with the city.

Jill: Interesting. Do you feel that you because you had brought this up earlier with your items that you have in your closet? And the things that you have in your home? Do you think the space that you are living in is truly connected to you?

Shakira: No, it's not. I had that realization on the toilet a couple days ago.

Jill: I mean, potty ponders. Yeah, I just think it's interesting, because that's, I mean, we, you and I kind of worked on that a little bit when I was there. And we did your kitchen. And I think that that's a big part of what I've been doing here. So in taking sort of the space, right of where you live, if this is the space that you're like, hey, you know what, like, this is going to be my place for the next X amount of years, then what would it take to live with intention in that space of being your home? If that being your comfort zone of being able to bring in what you experienced in San Diego, how can you create that warmth and that Oceanside feel in your own home to make you feel more connected to it?

Shakira: I'm afraid to say I think it is a little bit less about what currently exist here outside of like doing some spring cleaning, you know, I definitely need to do it funny enough. The first thing I did when I got here was like, get rid of two sets of plates or dishes. I was like, I don't need these? Yeah, that's me, you know, and then of course, you know, I move on to whatever it is, that is my routine. Sure. But I think because I spent so much time outside and because I've come become more and more aware of how that is how I connect to groundedness to come to peace to myself to other people. Like it's just been a little more clear, like wow, it may not be on the inside. I think there's a little bit of X and by inside I mean like in me directly. A little bit of like the outside environment. Yeah, I don't know, other than, you know, cutting back on shit to to clean and shit to wear and you know, eliminating some of the choices I think that I give myself because we I think sometimes choices are like a privilege of like that's the goal is to have as many choices and options as possible. And it's like is it cuz I think complicated things by giving myself that much.

Jill: Well and you also notice that you didn't need that much stuff you really just packed a suitcase, right? And so it's just like, Okay, are there things that you're that are needing to be let go of like, I don't need these shoes, these shoes that shoes, they've served their purpose. I'm just kind of like done.

Shakira: I don't need as much space to if I'm being honest. It's a tough one to to let go of because again, I think that the stuff the abundance what I have used a use to term as abundance meant, or was there's attachment to like the peace, and the calm, that I felt with like one suitcase and sand.

Jill: Yeah, the nature aspect of it.

Shakira: Mm hmm. So something to think about there. I'm gonna stop talking because we already talked about the fact that I talked too much. So Jill, what are your learnings? Your Travel learnings? Your vacation learnings?

Jill: Yeah. I feel like I had a lot of vacation learnings, every, pretty much every time I leave Hawaii, I have some sort of revelation transformation because it's just kind of like my my little sacred place. I feel like what I'm taking from my trip, and what I'm bringing more into my life is getting back to the basics of who I am, I was talking about this with my life coach, it was a very profound statement when him and I were talking, which is, you know, what, it's probably not going to resonate the same. But I just got to this place where I noticed that over the last few years, I've been working on understanding more of like, the house of myself, if you will, like my values, the things that I do who I am as a person, you know, physicality health, well being all of it, right. And so I've noticed that over the last probably year, noticing how I'm just kind of like ripping that house apart, right? Like, I'm just tearing down the walls, getting back down to my foundation. And as I look at that foundation, I've noticed that I fill those cracks in the foundation with stuff, right, like you were talking about the time of, you know, boredom and eating or watching television, or, you know, doing this or doing that and filling the foundation with things that don't fulfill me that they're just there to keep the foundation up, because that's what I think I need to do. And I'm just like, I just want to knock this whole fucking thing down. And we're just starting all over, like really getting into what's the house of me, built on the pillars of unconditional love, kindness, nurturing, and just happiness, right? And just being able to, like, live my build myself back up living on those four foundations. And seeing what that looks like, because I'm just, yeah, I feel like I've, I've released like, a whole three years of just a knowing of what hasn't been working and just fighting through it. And now I'm just like, Oh, I'm just fucking over it.

Shakira: Who boy. Yeah, I could not, like resonate more with that than I already do. That is? Yeah, what are you holding on to? That's kind of the question I been asking myself, like, what do you hold on to and a lot of it is fear. And discomfort in the possibility of how life could be or look different as a result of releasing that fear.

Jill: The thing that always catches me on that when I think about the fear is it's just like, well, it can't be any more uncomfortable than fucking staying where I'm at.

Shakira: Yes, but it's very comfortable to be exactly where I'm at.

Jill: or Yes, yes. And, yeah, yeah. And it's comfortable for a hot second. It's comfortable to be in it. But then as soon as you like, step out of the situation, you're just like, oh, well, I feel guilty. I feel ashamed. I feel there's fear. Like it all just like keeps churning. In that same cycle of I feel what's like what's masked as comfort. But it really isn't. Yeah, because you're just kind of in your own suffering.

Shakira: Yeah, yeah. And I got a taste of what freedom from the way that it is. When I stepped out of my physical environment to absolutely the way it could be in the way that it could feel and it could absolutely feel as light in my every day as it does when I'm somewhere that I sort of set my brain into thinking that this is going to be light. I act light. I am light. It is light. Yeah, there's a heaviness that came with coming back into like, just almost immediately falling into the same pattern of thinking, the same pattern of doing the same crazy.

Jill: Like, it's just like, oh, well, you know, this is what I do nothing. Here I am back in the groove.

Shakira: Yeah, I found the groove of I can hear myself complaining, you know more and more about the shit that I did not complain about for a long periods of time when I was in San Diego. perfect examples work, a lot of shit happening a lot of discomfort. I will honestly say if what was happening, or happened within the last six weeks at work, say four weeks more like four weeks. If it was happening while I was here, in my current environment, Chicago, I can't even guarantee that I would have stayed sober. Like that is how rough it's been. And as I am so grateful that I had the ability to wake up and for there to be sun and to start my day at 6am with the actual work work and you know, kind of occasionally you know, cut it out, be done with it at 3:30 which is still later than I would have liked it to have been get outside and sit in the grass and be quiet and not have earphones in and listening to something not having a distraction of like something always. And to walk and to smell air and to hear cars and to you know, be in a giant grassy park. And people watch and hear kids screaming on a roller coaster across the street and grabbing gelato and not thinking about the calories. And not all of those pieces like that felt really it was like I could it was fine. You know, I found the other things that I think kind of fill in the cracks rather than you know, the buying and the food and yeah,

Jill: you found something that was more connected to your soul of what you really needed. versus finding something to numb it. and to be mindless. Like you shifted it. From mindless to mindful. Yeah. Winning with that one. Yes. I'm keeping that. So if anybody's hearing this, yeah. Take that. As a TM trademarked

Shakira: the title of your next book. Yes.

Jill: Absolutely. I will write a book

Shakira: I know, I know.

Jill: All right. I gotta write that down myself now. And so I don't forget it. Ah, so good. All right, take away.

Shakira: Besides knowing that I'm going to spend some time this weekend, maybe just going room to room and closing my eyes and thinking about the groundedness that I felt outside in San Diego while I was there and kind of allowing myself to remove the things that no longer serve me. It sounds very Marie Kondo-ish. I think that's one big step that I think I could take to sort of feel that freedom, the connection of the lightness maybe, and that I felt there, but I think I also have some other not I don't want to want to say I'm gonna I'm gonna think about it as if I'm the person that's going to do all the work, but I think I have some other things to do, which is stay present and see what comes next. I'm not trying to control it. There's the word control.

Jill: I like this. And I'm really jealous that I'm not going to be able to be there to help throw things away.

Shakira: I'll keep you in my head. Like do you really wear that? Do you really wear that? Do you need that? When have you used this last?

Jill: When's the last time?

Shakira: Okay. How about you?

Jill: In that same sense, just considering what it is that I like the deeper concept of the mindless to mindful because I do a bunch of the mindless things as well. And I found myself on vacation, being more mindful of how I was in my way of being, how I was talking. And just being more present to my surroundings and the people that I was with and doing things that were more mindful rather than doing mindless things. Mindless to mindful. Alright friend, it was great talking to you today.

Shakira: You too. I'm always glad to see you your tan ass. Light skinned Jill.

Jill: I am very tan. I like it. alright friend. We'll talk. We will talk again soon.

Shakira: Okay,love you. Byeee.